coc[k] my beloved

[beepbeom]

hello all!! this is my first time ever using any type of platform like this so please excuse my clumsiness. 

as many of you can probably tell, i have become quite obsessed with coc (commas of care). 

there are so many scenes (both big and small) that are just so precious that they deserve to be gushed over. although the fic's sexy word count is 50k, it feels like a pleasant walk through the city; it's a 7 block walk but there is so much to marvel at that before you know it, you've reached your destination. i admit that every time candice writes something, it becomes my favorite (IM NOT BIASED I JUST HAVE GOOD TASTE) but she really outdid herself with commas of care. it hits in ways i didn't think it would and it is comforting to read.

when i think of arranged marriage fics, i think of the standard requirements: the denial, the coldness, the need to rebel against the powers that put them together or against their spouse that eventually leads to them falling in love with each other. i've read my fair share of arranged marriage fics in my time and i honestly love reading those aspects. but what candice seems to do with this au is take what we've all perceived and make it totally unique by using reality. the pace of their relationship is just so natural!! the bond that the two of them share is something just SO so beautiful. they really look out for each other, always taking the feelings of the other into account. 

i absolutely LOVE the fact that the two are aged up. as someone who is at the ripe age of twenty-three, it's inevitable for me to feel this fear of growing up and navigating through life, especially as a people pleaser and perfectionist. we often hear that this portion of our lives is when we peak, and that in itself is terrifying. i haven't done half the things that I have wanted to do yet!! reading from cyj's pov is something that i didn't think i would find so relatable. without trauma dumping on main, i just wanna express how comforting this really is!!

first off, FUCK MRS. CHOI THAT BITCH CAN ROT!!! every time she spoke i felt the need to throw my phone across the room. her entertaining the idea of divorce, seemingly taking credit for bringing beomjun together, all while making snide remarks had me agreeing with beomgyu, why remind him that that's. his evil mother in law!! 

but perhaps what hit hardest with me in regards to his parents, was his conversation with his dad approving his time off for their honeymoon. this interaction struck me the first time i read it. never in my life have i read something that covered a part of me so well. i felt so guilty and selfish for being like this with my parents that reading this really resonated with me. AGAIN WITHOUT TRAUMA DUMPING this emotion that cyj emits was just so raw and real that it has become somewhat of a comfort scene for me. 

okay enough emoting!! on to the good vibez!!

choi yeonjun. big boss. trying his best.

one of my favorite things candice does with him is give him an internal wall of sticky notes of beomgyu-isms that eternally accumulate. it just shows how hard yeonjun is trying with beomgyu. i love how there is a very clear distinction about how HE is CHOOSING to do this, not as a duty, but because he WANTS to do it himself. from beginning to end, i was cheering him ON. 28 years of living according to what is expected of him, he truly TRULY deserved all the love and happiness. UGH I'M TEARING UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. the fact that he was the first to drop the big L word!! how he opened himself up to the possibility of love even if it wasn't immediately returned! i loved how his friends and coworkers could even see the small changes in him. i just wanna give chaebol cyj the biggest hug and tell him he's doing so well.

now onto mr choi beomgyu. my beloved bitch. 

the one who has brought color into cyj's life and home. how could he possibly buy his husband a beomgyu shaped waffle maker !!! artist beomgyu is just so kind and patient, always. he truly understands yeonjun and, even though he's got his own past that still haunts him, he still goes above and beyond to show he cares. if i could describe this beomgyu in one word, it would definitely be "healing." my head is actually in my hands as we speak, i absolutely love how he is with yeonjun. 

speed round!! here are some of my favorite scenes without too much of my commentary:

• the entirety of the beginning. it sets the tone for the rest of the fic and is written so beautifully
• the breakfast scene.....cyj going from omelettes to waffles to having a more colorful breakfast as the fic progresses [WAILS]
• their dinner scenes. food is absolutely a love language and it is their's. beomgyu is the reason he comes home for dinner every night...god i cant bear to think about this right now
• THE LINKEDIN SCENE i cant believe cyj captions his instagram posts like a corporate account I CANT DO THIS 
• dinner with their bros!!! candice always writes soobin in a way that makes him the funniest bitch and i absolutely love it. the tyunning!! the drunk banter!!! taehyun and his big mouth!! soogyu becoming besties!!! SOOGYU DRUNK BESTIES!! beomgyu wanting more hugs!!! yeonjun silently driving home contemplating life and attraction 
• yeonjun sick and beomgyu taking care of him :( i have too many thoughts on this 
• BEOMJUN HOBBY HUNT!!! 
• "im keeping you, i'm keeping you"
• oh OH THEIR FIRST DATE he bought him buckwheat :( he would've driven to every flower shop to buy him more :( they were so happy even their kisses wore smiles I REALLY CANT DO THIS RIGHT NOW
• yeji

ʕ´• ᴥ •`ʔ ♥ (=^･^=)

• Because I’m on a date with you. And you let me kiss you. And now I’m holding you. And we’re married.” Beomgyu laughs softly and brings his hand up to stroke the back of Yeonjun’s head, “Yeah? And why do those things make you happy?” "Because, Choi Beomgyu," Yeonjun says, "I like you very much." FUCK
• yeonjun encourgaing beomgyu to go abroad for his art....BEOMGYU FINDING A SLEEPING YEONJUN IN HIS BED
• the entire scene where beomgyu brings dinner to yeonjun's office...exquisite 
• THE FUCKING HONEYMOON not cyj buying two rooms for them [face palm]. them talking out the jiwoo situation :( "You’ve upended my sad life and made it happy, Beomgyu. You and only you.”
• THE L WORD okay this whole scene was done so beautifully. "Beomgyu presses himself against Yeonjun, curls his leg around Yeonjun’s hip, face close, mouths a breath apart, “I’m this close. Just love me as you are. And I’ll get there soon enough.”"
• beomgyu telling yeonjun that he loves being married to him...not gonna lie this made me CRY because i know how much that meant to him :( I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
• all he knows is he's never letting go

I know im probably gonna kick myself later for forgetting to add certain points but i think its clear enough that i absolutely adore this fic. it's one that ive found myself revisiting it so many times since its been released just for a boost of serotonin. to end this, i just want to thank candice for sharing her beautiful works with us!! you already know im so proud of you for pouring your all into this bro. im glad you enjoy it just as much as we do!! 

now, time to reread.